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Monday, 12 November 2007

image for Stripper Jenny Bigtits is Really a Man!
Jenny's got a massive rack of man boobs

Private investigators hired by Mark Lowton, editor of on-line humor magazine TheSpoof.com, have determined that popular stripper and comedy writer Jenny Bigtits is really a man.

"Yes, it's really a guy," said Lowton. "I've seen the pictures and he does have this enormous set of man boobs, but that goes with his act. He probably took some kind of female hormone injections or something."

Investigators also discovered that Fergus McCarthy, a rival of Jenny in the Spoof's writers discussion forum, is really female. "When the P.I.s went to interview Fergus, they found this large bull dyke. She had a strap on dildo and pretended to be a guy, but was really just another lesbian in corduroy pants, hiking boots, and a flannel shirt."

As Mark investigated his writing team, he found out that Gnarly Eric isn't really so gnarly. "He's not a battle hardened veteran in the cold wasteland of Alaska. She's a latte sipping secretary to a city councilman in Seattle. I guess that's how she comes up with all the inside information on her corrupt bastard's stories."

Investigators were unable to discover who the hell Who The Hell Is Mohit was, as over 167,000 people by that name were discovered in India and Pakistan.

The Private detective agency did learn that Queen Mudder isn't really a judge or an attorney and is not really married to a doctor. She is actually a group of one hundred monkeys in front of work processors attempting to recreate all of the works of Shakespeare.

King David is not really a junior high school teacher in the American South. He is a Boston Catholic Priest who just likes that age group of boys (which helps explain why he has never been married). Due to his multiple references to gardening, his church grounds are currently being dug up to look for bodies.

The investigations turned up that Buckley E. Filbert really is a dirty old man in Hollywood. His home is filled with old issues of Playboy, Penthouse, and Hustler and all of the vaginas are cirled in red magic marker.

Con Chapman, a Spoof writer with more than 400 stories who never discusses things in the writers forum, was found to be "an old guy who just doesn't get out much and does not like getting blasted by perverts like Fergus."

Cal Jennings, the Texas native who fashions himself to be Superman, is really a lunatic in a West (By God) Virginia insane asylum. "He's constantly running up to all of the women and yelling Please be my sister do I can do you on Saturday night and then throwing mud at them to get them dirty first."

Jalapenoman, who currently lives in New Mexico and is proud of being a native Texan, was discovered to have been conceived in Illinois and born in Kansas. "He only lived there for a few months before his parents moved back to Texas." Further digging found out that he really does use the Goodyear blimp as a condom.

Other investigations discovered that:

  1. Carina-Eta really does not have a glowing halo around her head. It is a swarm of flies, as she has this obsessive/compulsive thing about not washing her hair.
  2. Jean Le Fete may pretend to be Dean Martin, but looks more like Sammy Davis Jr.
  3. Shaun Ferguson, believed to be a high school kid in love with Carina, is actually a junior high school kid who is in love with someone else this week.
  4. The Joy Renee/Chester stories were the work of the real George W. Bush, who was practicing his writing skills so that he could complete his memoirs when he left office.
  5. Willis Rodney, who has not left the top twenty all year but has not posted a story since January, just doesn't give a shit.
  6. Jesus Budda is neither Christian nor Buddhist. He's a Jewish cantor in Denver.
  7. Warren Redlich really is a corrupt politician who is willing to fix anyone's tickets for a price (or a peek at their tits).
  8. Monkey Woods is actually responsible for the strange disappearance of Moose and Squirrel as he wanted to be the only animal on the site. Charges for cannibalism are pending.
  9. Mister Meaner isn't really that mean. He's really a pushover if you promise to tickle his pickle.
  10. Space Elevator has never been to space. He's just spaced out from doing too much LSD in the 60's.
  11. Passion Vine House really is the lovely woman pictured in her photo. Upon learning that Fergus was not a man, but was in fact a bull dyke (as previously stated), she rushed to Ireland and proceeded to give him/her the ride of his/her life. Mrs. and Mrs. McCarthy plan to make their future on the beach of a small island in the Bahamas.
  12. Robot Sausage is really the pen name of John Bobbit, who had his "sausage" cut off by a jealous wife. Since he now has a bionic penis, he goes by the name of Robot Sausage.
  13. In Seine has neither ever been in the Seine river in France nor is insane. She also bears no resemblence to JarJar Binks. She is really a virgin librarian in Manchester who teaches piano on weekends and used to win spelling bees in grade school and is very nearsighted (yes, those girls do grow up).

Finally:

Mark Lowton really does work for Blockbuster and does rewind the DVDs for a living.

Make Throckmorton Turdblossom's day - give this story five thumbs-up (there's no need to register, the thumbs are just down there!)

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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