Written by matthatt
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Sunday, 11 November 2007

image for Media takes out injunction against Heather Mills
A cameraman, desperately trying to ignore Heather Mills

The mass world-wide media has decided to take the unusual step of obtaining a court order against the strange and estranged ex wife of Paul McCartney, in an attempt to get some peace and quiet from her constant whinging and whining.

Rupert Murdoch, speaking on behalf of the world's press, said in a statement "Please Heather, just stop will you. You really have upset a good few of my reporters and journalists, some of them have had to seek counselling due to the stress of being hounded by you (Heather Mills), constantly wanting to tell them your side of the story, over and over again, ENOUGH! Heather, we get it, you had some shit happen, get over it mate, move on already!"

The impassioned plea, from the normally reticent media mogul, came after a week of TV appearances around the globe by Heather Mills who "is attempting to suck more sympathy out of people, but not realising that she isn't able to, due to coming across as a bit of a self promoting whiner with delusions of grandeur and an over inflated sense of her own self importance" said one reporter who didn't want to be named for fear of reprisals from Ms Mills.

"She was stalking some of us, I heard she was hiding in Jeremy Paxmans bushes, waiting for him to get home, so she could jump out on him in the hope of being interviewed. I heard she bought a police scanner, just so she could show up where reporters would be. How else could she do it? Everywhere we go to cover some other story, she is there before us. Normally posh spice turns up a couple of minutes later and then the two of them go into their routines for attention seaking"

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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