As many as 73.314% of British people find themselves in debt totalling trillions (billions of billions) of pounds. So two Knights (Sir Bob and Sir Bono) intend to launch a charity music festival over two nights to help the poor and needy get the benefits they need.
The government are finding it increasingly difficult to pay out at least £2 billion pounds in benefits to the many immigrants, jobseekers, disabled, pensioners and asylum seekers who dwell in our green and pleasant land. Ivor Fiver, Secretary of State for Employment, said: "I am sorry to say that the benefit system is going the same way as the NHS, the farming industry, the ship-building industry, mining, steel making, car manufacturing, the armed forces, the prison service and any other thing that's the government is involved with."
Sir Bob Geldoff today told In Seine news "We are goin' to make da biggest f***ing noise in dis country ever! Live Aid might have bin da first one (with the intention to fight AIDS - we've still got AIDS!), Dis has gotta be da last concert I f***ing do. I foiled to 'Make Poverty History' big time! I am fed up with poor folk, who pay much of their benefit money to appeals loike da Madeleine McCann fund, de Tsunami appeal, de Ethiopian appeal, de Save the whale fund and any other bloody fund that saves anything but money - da bottom line of it is dey're skint."
Sir Bono added: "The concert may be in May at Wembley Stadium and we gonna call it 'Skive Aid '08'. We hope to front it with Pete Doherty - if he's not in prison! We are also going to have Status Quo, if they're still alive, George Michael if he can drive here without falling asleep - as you can see it s a complete act of God."
Capital One ask "what's in your wallet?"