Satirist King David, who was told as a child that if he crossed his eyes too many times they would become stuck, has been telling lies now for so long that he is beginning to question his own reality.
"The stories that I write, they're all made up," he told himself. "Nothing is true. They're all spoofs."
The satirist, who just finished writing his 200th story and has insurance through the state of North Carolina, says that he didn't realize the hazards of his venture and hoped that the damage that he had done to himself and others wasn't irreversible.
"I feel like I am living in a hologram," he said, "one of those paper weights on my grandmother's desk with the fake snow in it."
He began to question his own reality after witnessing a truckload of chickens attacking the Chic-Fil-A Eat More Chikin' Cow this morning on his way to the Lowe's Home Improvement Center to pick up another space heater for his house.
He also questioned his own reality after seeing a Mexican chupacapara mountain goat dancing on top of his neighbor's home and the headline stories for Spoof remain unchanged for an entire weekend.
Spokespersons for nearby Dorthea Dix Hospital say that half of all of their patients on the mental ward are recovering satirists.
"Many are on anti-psychotics," said one nurse.
Spokespersons for SA (Satirists Anonymous) say that meetings are held locally.
One spokesperson for satirists anonymous said that, "More often than not, these writers don't realize that their addictions are also their source of strength in that they often expose the underbelly, or truth of a popular and contentious issue in society. Yet speaking the truth has its price and these sky walkers dance on the dark side of the moon."
About participating on the Spoof writer's discussion board the visionary satirist said, "How do I know I am not just talking with a computer that is programmed to respond in a certain way?"