Written by robotsausage
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Topics: James Bond

Saturday, 27 October 2007

It was controversially announced today that fat former pop star and prize pig herder Rick Waller will become the new James Bond.

Daniel Craig sensationally walked out on his contract after rows over the canteen women who didn't have any "Ronnie Barker's instant mash" but they only had the Tesco brand. Craig threw his plate at them, punched the director in the face, shat in the producers soup and farted on Robbie Coltrane.

There are a lot of critics concerning the choice of person to play Bond, as he has no acting experience. They also state he is way too fat and looks nothing like peoples perception of what Bond should look like. Apparently, he also smells of pig dripping.

There are some, however, who support the choice. Graham Parpbucket, 61 of the fat talentless gits union said: "We think that there should be controversy like this and to give fat talentless people a platform to improve there life and make them find the talent they never knew they had"

Elvis Hitler 45 of the James Bond appreciation society also said: "It would be a welcomed break from seeing you're stereotypical James Bond being a good looking slim bloke with dark hair".

Waller will sign a six movie deal worth £1 billion and will be the highest paid Bond star ever. He will join up with the rest of the crew and cast members next week when they begin filming "Another day dead" in Japan.

It is described as the best most action packed Bond film yet. In one scene bond escapes from a triad gang in Jersey by somersaulting over sleeping cows and landing on a triumph motorbike with sidecar. There is another scene where Bond has to dodge exploding turnips in a Japanese supermarket.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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