It's official. The "Ben" part of the entity formerly known as "Bennifer" has moved on with his life.
"Ben's so happy right now. I haven't seen him this happy in a really long time," a friend of his who was not Matt Damon said today.
"He's finally put that whole sordid J. Lo mess behind him. I'm really happy for him. Oh yeah," an ex-husband of J. Lo's said.
But just who is this mystery lady? "Ben has been trying to keep it a secret. He really hates that whole media circus and well, he learned from last time, didn't he?" A reporter from one of the major tabloids said.
The Spoof has learned that it is none other than Barbara Walters.
The two were caught sharing a nice intimate dinner the other night at Spago.
"Babs is great. She's semi-retired now and got a lot of time to devote to Ben. She's not threatened by his status in Hollywood. Besides, younger men-older women are really hot these days. They have so much in common. They really, really do."
"Actually, both Ben and Barbara were born near Boston. They both speak English really well, except for a hint of an accent and they love the Red Sox," a spokesperson for the team said today.
Ben's publicist never returned my phone calls. Of course, that may have something to do with the court order. This reporter is not sure.