Boston, MA (USA Today) - Senator Ted "I'll drink to that" Kennedy has proposed the addition of DUI Lanes to all interstate freeways.
"This is an effort to cut down on the number of drunken driving accidents around the country" the Senator proclaimed. "By giving drivers under the influence their own lane they'll be less likely to interact with those…oh what do you call them…sober drivers".
His proposed plan doesn't discriminate. The new lanes will be "DUI" lanes so that anyone under the influence of any drug, chemical and/or delusional political party will be able to use them. There will be a stiff fine for using the DUI Lanes while sober in the form of a double-Scotch neat.
When asked how he proposes the government pay for these new DUI Lanes he responded "we'll rescind the illegal Bush tax cuts". In answer to Senator McCain's comment that "…rescinding the illegal Bush tax cuts is in effect raising taxes" Senator Kennedy responded "toe-may-toe tow-mah-tow…oh hey, I think I'll have a Bloody Mary".