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Saturday, 20 October 2007

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Blackpool

In the second incident of its kind within the last week, (see: Merseyside Rock Festival), organisers reported confusion surrounding the opening of the inaugural Blackpool Rock Festival.

The Festival, which has attracted some of the most prominent names on the current music scene, as well as many from years gone by, has been besieged by tourists trying to buy cylindrical-shaped confectionery and other sugar-based sweets.

Promoters think that huge posters advertising the event may have proved misleading, and say they now understand why people were fooled.

Alan Moron, of Blackpool Borough Council, who organised the event, said:

"We'd booked the Sugababes, Brandy, Snap, Liverpool's Candie Payne and half-dead glam rockers The Sweet amongst others, but now we've had all these dreadful bloody holidaymakers wanting bloody rock to take home to their bloody families!"

A bronze statue of George Formby, opened proceedings to a backing track of his famous "My Little Stick Of Blackpool Rock", whilst ageing local group Fleetwood Mac were due to give the show a rousing send-off on Sunday evening.

The highlight of the extravaganza was to be the 13-piece all-girl French group, Nougat, who sing quaint little ditties with their tits hanging out, but many of the audience were not impressed.

Edna Eccles, 78, from Morecambe, said:

"It were disgusting. All I wanted were me rock, and a bit o' candy floss, and wor I got were these brazen hussies with...ooo...it were inhuman!".

Her husband, Albert, 73, was a little more complimentary, saying:

"It weren't too bad once the' stopped singing!"

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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