Written by Stefano M. Stefano
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Wednesday, 17 October 2007

image for Britney Spears Ditches Music Career, Enters Car Racing

Welcome to the Britney 500. Inspired by her numerous crack-ups and dingers and dent-fests, Indy 500 officials have created the first interactive celebrity racing series, and have dubbed it the Britney 500, in honor of the number of cars that Spears has crashed into throughout the world.

However, as this is La-La Land, and things are different in California (like how a black man would get prison time for the type of offenses Britney has accumulated recently), there will be a scoring system in addition to making the circuit around the streets of Los Angeles.

Racers will score points by the number of cars they hit or just bump into, scoring high points for bonking into Porches, Cadillacs, and Hummers, and lower points for anything made by KIA. 100 points will be awarded to drivers that approach paparazzi and smile stupidly while holding a baby doll in their lap and a cell phone in one hand, all the while making sure that not a single photog is injured. After all, dopey divas need their paparazzi like they need oxygen. A bonus 1000 points will be awarded to the driver that comes across Kevin Federline and chases him at least 3 city blocks.

Race official Salvatore Sassasa added that one gimmick is that the race is at night and drivers must wear sunglasses to impair their vision and driving skills. When pointed out that that was a moronic idea, Sassasa replied,

"Hey, Britney was doing that when she hit her last car, so if it was good enough for the Spearster it's good enough for our racers."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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