Colombian warbler Shakira has had to cancel her performance at the New Orleans Shitterdome.
"She sounds too much like a goat", stated city official Jeff Montero, "New Orleans don't like goats much since Katrina".
Montero was referring to the devastating Hurricane which caused billions of dollars in damage and loss of life to the Louisiana area. The natural disaster may have been averted if Alice, the New Orleans safety goat, had informed scientists of the impending storm. Tragically the beast lay asleep and never raised the alarm.
Shakira - famous for singing about the size of her breasts and how her hips don't apparently lie - sounds remarkably like a cocaine fuelled goat in heat.
We gauged the opinion of some New Orleans natives (ie, humans): Sally, 26 said, "She can go and f*ck off".
Masseuse at fave hotspot The Juicy Cajun, Dave Dedickens said, "Alice was a pr*ck. Shakira's no better. In fact I'd say she's probably worse. Or not. I'm not sure. What was the question again?"
"The idea of a person like Shakira doing a concert right here in town was always gonna be difficult", Montero explained.