Written by Mister Meaner
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Saturday, 13 October 2007

image for Britney Spears Diagnosed With New Medical Condition
Britney's glasses are ten times bigger than this, but no less goofy

It has been confirmed by a leading US medical expert, that Britney Spears, the former pop star, has a serious medical condition which prevents her from removing her sunglasses.

Professor Perez Hilton has said that Spears is suffering from the illness which can be "severely debilitating", and can result in "not being able to sing anymore".

It's thought the glasses, which cover most of Spears' face and weigh nearly a kilogramme, are worn by the star to conceal her identity from the public when she goes out shopping. The plan has now backfired, as they have become her trademark.

Prof Hilton said on his celebrity blogsite:

"Britney relies on those windows for protection. Removing them would reduce her to a quivering jelly, not to mention a washed-up has-been with nowhere to go but down among the Deadmen."

The singer has undergone massive rehabilitation programmes recently for drug and alcohol addiction, and has been relieved of the custody of her two children by ex-husband Kevin Federline.

Fans of Spears' website have begged her to remove the glasses, and to regain her former position as Princess of Pop.

Joeleine Childers, 7, from Wisconsin, wrote:

"Take those stupid glasses off, you dim bitch!"

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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