Written by queen mudder
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Topics: Drugs, Art

Monday, 8 October 2007

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South Bank, London - (Conceptual Mess): Colombian sculptor Doris Salcedo has filled a hole in the Tate Modern gallery with 167 metres of crack.

The artist said today her work symbolises racial hatred and division in society.

Her message was immediately interpreted by South Bank locals as the disparity between those who could afford to do recreational drugs with those who can't.

But Royal Academy sources said that it was "a load of cack."

"This is just a wacking great big hole in the ground," the RA's Dame Paloma Velasquez-Murillo said today.

"And what's more it looks awfully like subsidence."

But Salcedo is unrepentant.

"It represents borders of gullibility that have plenty left in the tank to milk," she postulated.

"It represents the experience of immigrants, the kind who have to deal in crack to make an honest living.

"It shows the experience of racial hatred, the quintessential experience of a Third World person coming into the heart of Europe."

Clinical psychiatrists working at the nearby St Thomas' Hospital disagreed with the artist today after touring the exhibit with some of their students.

"We think she talks a lot of tosh and could be sectioned if she carries on spouting anymore of the silly gibberish," Prof V Smart claimed today.

"The real tragedy of this latest Tate Modern installation is that it's no better than looking at a dog turd on, say, Borough High Street," another ticket-paying gallery visitor said today.

"The lady claims her work took her over a year to make," decorator Mr Dave Anaglypta from Barking said as he toured the exhibit.

"Well over in Bromley where I work this kind of subsidence took just a few weeks of the hot dry summer of 2006 to set in and no one was daft enough to put in in the bleedin' Labour Party-farty Tate Gallery!"

The artist has refused to reveal how her creation was achieved.

Her hole will remain at Tate Modern for the next six months.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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