Los Angeles, California - (Recovery Mess): A fight to the death for Britney Spears' soul is under way in LA.
In one corner are Madonna's Kabbala pals vying to get the 25 year old rehabilitated before she trashes her chances for ever. In the other is LA Narconon Scientology interests determined to hook Britney into their own redemption plan. And stressed-out piggy-in-the-middle Britney is caught in the tussle.
Unable to put down her chillin' weed and happy sauce, Britney is winging it one snort of coke at a time.
Meanwhile in London the Material Girl has postponed all business committments to help Britney get out of the whole saddo mess.
"Madonna wants Britney to do a geographical," music industry sources said today, "and join her in London once she's got back the kids' custody.
"A thirty day Kabbala detox, no contest hit 'n' run court plea, humble pie in the parenting classes business.
"After that she's off the hook. And just in time for a London move by Xmas.
"Sure there's a certain element of mind-control in Kabbala, but so what? LA courts just lurve that kind of 12 step stuff.
"It's not like you have to shag some fifty-something Hollywood has-been just waiting to pounce and drag yer ass into the Scientology camp.
"A whole new scene awaits Britney in London.
"She could start over again and let K-Fed seethe."