Written by Deanna Goodson
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Topics: England, wedding

Friday, 19 March 2004

image for Lord of the Wedding Rings: Gandalf gets hitched

San Francisco, England --

Sir Ian McKellen, the openly gay actor who played Gandalf the grey in the LOTR trilogy, has decided to finally get married.

"It was time to take a stand and stand up for gay rights. I like to stand and this issue needs more people willing to stand up and speak out about it while standing, preferably on a soap box," someone must have misquoted the actor as saying because he's usually much more eloquent.

Anyway, the Knight and his King, Aragorn, played by Viggo Mortensen, have decided to get married. "Viggo can't be gay. He's too beautiful. I know he is just doing this because he hates injustice. Yes. He hates it. He is such an upstanding, guy." A member of one of his numerous internet fan clubs said today from her parents' basement, which she hasn't left, except during full moons, since 1986.

Orlando Bloom, who plays Legolas, wanted to attend the nuptials, which were held at Windsor Castle, but he was off making another movie. As the Queen said, "It's not like Charles will be getting married to horseface--oh! dear me, I meant, Camilla..anytime soon."

Peter Jackson is thinking of making a fourth installment to the trilogy to capitalize on the marriage.
It is tentatively titled, Lord of the Rings: The King Swings. In it, Arwen dies and a bereft Aragorn turns to Gandalf for comfort.

Despite the success of the trilogy, the script is having a hard time finding a studio home.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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