Written by Jesus Budda
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Thursday, 4 October 2007

image for Irish famine blamed on Marlon Brando
Marlon Brando caused a famine and was a "fat b*stard", says nutjob Sinead O Connor

The Irish potato famine of the 1840's was the fault of dead legendary fat method actor Marlon Brando, is the dramatic claim made in a new book by Irish one-hit-wonder, Sinead O Connor.

O' Connor, famous as the demented, bald singer of "Nothing Compares 2U", claims she has evidence to support the wild claim.

"Marlon Brando was a product of the American system of mass production", moaned O Connor from her stone cell monastery, "the corporate forces of Hollywood encouraged the cultivation of the potato, which was exported to the States in vast quantities to feed laboratory monkeys used in the thriving cosmetic industries of the Victorian age. Marlon Brando was the man who benefited the most from these face care products, churning out millions of dollars worth of movies which were in turn distributed as evil propaganda for the poor Irish slaving away in the British owned workhouses of the age".

When asked about how this frankly illogical scheme could have happened when Marlon Brando wasn't even born at the time, O' Connor gave an emphatic - but equally mad - answer.

"The cap Marlon Brando wore in The Wild One appears in several photographs taken in rural Ireland during the famine times. And there was only one such hat every made. And that was for Marlon Brando - the fat b*stard probably ate lots of our spuds too! Proof positive", said a wild eyed O Connor as she stroked a wooden log.

"How Marlon Brando Ruined The Irish By Stealing Their Potatos" is available in stores on Friday.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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