Written by Noshing Mink
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Thursday, 4 October 2007

image for Jeremy Kyle sacked - Professor Snape from Harry Potter takes over as chat show host
Jeremy Kyle could get his come-uppance

In a shock announcement, ITV bosses have said that chat show host Jeremy Kyle has been dropped from the Jeremy Kyle Show, which will get a new host and a new name. It will be called the Professor Snape Show and its host will be Harry Potter's professor Severus Snape.

Kyle has been the subject of criticism recently for baiting guests, plying them with alcohol and starting fights on his show. He was lambasted by a judge in a criminal case recently. One ITV boss said:

"He is an annoying prick and we wanted someone else to take over. Snape, the angst-ridden Professor of Potions at Hogwarts, is just the right man. He chooses his words carefully. He has a great presence, deep penetrating eyes and a voice from the grave. Plus he can turn people into frogs if they piss him off."

Initial viewer polls suggest that Professor Snape will be a great hit as a scum show TV host. Nobody is likely to challenge him on set. His agent indicated that Professor Snape has a busy schedule at Hogwarts, particularly now that Lord Voldemort has returned, but he has nevertheless agreed to do the show on a trial basis, subject to Hogwarts headmaster Professor Dumbledore's permission.

Rumours are rife that his first guest will be Jeremy Kyle himself, that the audience will be composed entirely of Kyle's previous victims and that Professor Snape has something sinister planned for the former host of the show.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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