Written by queen mudder
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Tuesday, 2 October 2007

image for Jagger's advice to Amy Whinehouse
"Kids these days, just can't do the drinkin' that's part of the job description!"

London - (Rehab Mess): "Quit moanin' about rehab and stop drinkin' sherry at The Whorley Arms ya dumbass fool!" Mich Jagger told London chanteuse Amy Whinehouse today.

"And ya might as well getaloada the Southern Comfort in The Admiral Codrington near Cheyney Walk where real boozers still walk tall."

The famous sexagenarian Rolling Stone also told reporters that the Camden, North London based Back to Black singer was "making a damn fool of herself with poxy Amontillado-on-the-rocks" when she could be knocking back at least a bottle of the "amber nectar" before lunchtime in his own favorite pub in Chelsea.

"Kids these days. I dunno. Maybe it's all the pollution of somethin'. Just can't do the drinking that goes with the job description.

"And don't tell me the skunk's got stronger too because it ain't. That's just a Labour Party lie they told students before stinging them for tuition fees. I should know 'cos I've smoked enough skunk in my days with Richard Branson to fill a thousand hot air baloons.

"My advice to Amy? Don't do hangovers, they wreck ya sex life. Maybe ditch the beehive too. All that weight on the brain, it's strainin' on the nostrils.

"And ya gonna need 'em a long time still to do all that Xmas coke that's comin' over from Venezuela with the Chavez heavy crude for London buses."

Keith Richard is semi-comatose.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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