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Monday, 1 October 2007

image for Britney Spears Ordered to Surrender Custody of Children to Federline
Britney will have to be Mommy on weekends and holidays until further notice

A Los Angeles judge ordered Pop Princess Britney Spears to surrender custody of her children to ex-husband Kevin Federline due to "habitual, frequent, and continuous use of controlled substances and alcohol." While this is not the permanent custody order, it will take place "until further notice of the court."

Spears and Federline have two children from their 1994 marriage.

Other reasons cited by the judge for the order included "we don't need any more second generation Louisiana trailer trash growing up in California. If Britney wants to show off her assets to everyone, she'll do it on her own without parental responsibilities."

In addition, Federline (described by the court as "no great father figure himself") has been ordered to hire a full time nanny who "will keep her clothes on and actually watch and teach the children."

Applicants for the job of caring for the two small boys, thus far, include Michael Jackson, Kalo Caetlin (who apparently needs another place to stay), Julie Andrews ("I haven't done any of this type of work since Mary Poppins), and the female cast of last season's American Idol (who apparently mis-read the part about keeping their clothes on).

When told that her only visitation would be supervised and on weekends, Spears remarked "then when the hell am I supposed to party?" The judge responded that this was part of the problem.

The judge then thanked Spears for being thoughtful enough to wear underwear to court, but reminded her that it was still supposed to be "under" wear and that everyone did not need to see it.

No date has been set for a final custody decision.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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