Los Angeles, California: (Ass Mess & Reuterus): Madonna's desperate climb to Rock 'N' Roll's Hole of Fame took a step closer this week with the announcement of her nomination along with other desperate wannabes including Leonard Cohen (69) and Val Doonican (75).
Her bid for glory began in earnest at the 2003 MTV awards.
Fortified with an armful of anti-STD and anti-rabies jabs as well as human growth hormone injections, the Material Girl went for Britney's Spears' least obvious orifice and carried out an in-depth oral examination on stage.
"This sort of pretend lesbian stuff always stiffens audience attention," Spears later chuckled.
"We women do it just to take the piss - or get the guys salivating during a dry patch.
"How else do you think Angelina Jolie could have wrenched Brad Pitt from Jennifer Aniston's bed without those dumbass 'I'm so bisexual' stories?"
Fortunately for this year's other Hole of Fame contenders no such shenanigans were expected of them, despite persistent rumors that Joe Ramone was once quizzed by cops about a men's room encounter behind London's Rainbow Theater with both this year's top male contenders Leonard Cohen and Val Doonican.
Donna Summmer is 64.