Written by Ken Adrian
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Topics: Court, singer

Thursday, 18 March 2004

Beverly Hills, CA - Singer and actress (?!) Courtney Love, who recently completed an on-line law degree, decided to represent herself in court this week and promptly fired herself.

In what witness described as "the closest things to a ventriloquist act in a Courtroom" Love appeared to be speaking to herself throughout the proceedings.

Actual Transcript

Judge Fox: You're client is late for this Court councillor.
C.L. (as lawyer): I apologize on behalf of Ms. Love.
C.L. (as herself): Can *I* say something here?
C.L. (as lawyer): I would advise against that.
C.L. (as herself): You're fired.
Judge Fox: I don't think that'll help your case.
C.L. (as herself): You're re-hired!
C.L. (as lawyer): Permission to approach, your honor?
Judge Fox: Denied. Please proceed.
C.L. (as lawyer): My client admits that she has been behaving erratically lately but -
C.L. (as herself): Erotically maybe... but definitely NOT erratically.
C.L. (as lawyer): Hey, quit interrupting me!

... and so it went for hours. Judge Fox (not associated with the television network) was not impressed. "First of all, the whole split personality thing has been done SO many times... it's getting a little stale, you know? ... and secondly, I saw Legally Blonde I didn't laugh once."

Ms. Love, who recently flashed David Letterman on air and later threw a microphone stand at fan, was asked if she wanted to comment but couldn't decide whether to speak on her own behalf or through her lawyer.

The trial continues this week. Ms. Love is releasing a new album dealing with the legal battles entitled "Samsara: My Vicious Wheel of Girl Pain".

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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