Residents of a quite suburb in Miami FL, have breathed a collective sigh of relief following the announcement by Miami Dade PD that a creature discovered in the florida everglades is not singing windbag Christina Aquilera.
At a hastily arranged press conference, Detective Walt Teaser described their finding in detail:
"What we have here is a mammal-reptilian hybrid that is half badger and half crocodile. Forensic results can confirm that it is not in any way related to Christina Aquilera. The state of emergency has been lifted and you can all go safely about your business as normal"
The town of Fiasco was put on red alert after a fisherman came upon the beast nestled in the long grass by a riverbank.
"It scared the heck out of me", said fisherman Dan Reichter, "I was sure it was one of them Aquilera things".
Aquilera, previously banned from KFC for smelling like a dead rat, has been reported missing for a number of days.
"I haven't a f*cking clue where the skank is", said Olivia Shitter who is Aquilera's publicist, "no doubt she'll crawl out of someplace soon enough. She can't have got far without her crotchless panties, the bitch".