Royal Asskisser Sir Elton John has won the coveted "Bullshit Bard of Britain" award with his latest effort, "Song for Maddie". The piano solo is dedicated to toddler Maddie McCann, who disappeared in Portugal months ago. Madonna's entry "48, but still got a nice rack" was disqualified because she's not British despite her fake accent.
"Song for Maddie" is set to be a Christmas Number One as wankers up and down Britain promised to buy millions of copies every week until January. However, controversial US radio "shock jock" Howard Stern criticised it as "crap", adding:
"It's Sir Elton fuckin' John. Of course it'll go to Number One. Everything that comes out of his ass goes to Number One. Apart from his gay partner's dick, which does a number one."
Some in the music industry pointed out that the song is very similar to Sir Elton's famous "Song for Guy". In fact, the only difference is the title.
We interviewed the crappy crooner, who offered us sausages on a stick at his plush South London villa, which we politely declined since we didn't know where they'd been. He said, speaking in rock singer's lingo:
"This one's for Maddie, yeah. I'm gonna sing it at the Royal Variety Show next month in dedication to all the kids, yeah."
At that point, wunderfrau Victoria Beckham called from Los Angeles, begging to be allowed to sing with Sir Elton and he replied:
"Piss off, Posh, yeah"
before throwing the phone down.