Written by Deanna Goodson
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Topics: Priest, Hurts

Monday, 15 March 2004

image for Oscar the Grouch's Secret Shame
Oscar Smiles Through The Pain

Oscar the Grouch has decided to tell the world just what makes him so grouchy. "When I was a little grouch, I was an altar boy and a priest...I can't go on. It hurts too much." He wept to an audience filled with Garbage Collectors at their National Convention, where he was the guest speaker.

"Wow! I never knew Oscar had so many layers to him. I just thought it was caked-on dirt," Pig-Pen, the cleaning challenged Peanuts character, said from somewhere near the Little Red Haired Girl's house.

"Perhaps, the world will look at Oscar a little differently now. He never received top billing on Sesame Street. He deserves credit for being such a courageous grouch. We are so proud of him. It's not easy coming out. I should know." Big Bird issued this statement on behalf of the show in crayola.

Oscar is reportedly working through his issue with a therapist and has no plans to leave the show. He hopes that maybe they can do a special episode called "M" is for "Molestation". However two attempts to contact a writer loosely affiliated with the show have yielded no information.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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