Written by Noshing Mink
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Friday, 14 September 2007

image for "Top Gear" Richard Hammond's car accident blamed on "no tyres"
Some men drive a sports car because it apparently compensates for something

A high level BBC investigation into the cause of the road accident last year that almost killed Top Gear presenter Richard "the Hamster" Hammond has blamed it on no tyres. The investigation, which cost millions of taxpayers' pounds, followed Hammond's crash while driving at speeds up to 288mph at an airfield near York.

A man on the street said:

"They say that you should check your tyres before you get in your car. Richard Hammond obviously didn't. He was clearly to blame."

Road safety experts echoed this advice, saying:

"Drivers must recognise that tyres are an important part of every car. They fit round the wheels and prevent the wheel from getting damaged. Every car needs 4 tyres. If your car doesn't have tyres, then you shouldn't be driving it."

Hammond refused to be interviewed about this elementary blunder, though fellow presenter and Jack the Lad Jeremy Clarkson said:

"Tyres? Bollocks. Who needs them? Macho types like us Top Gear presenters certainly don't."

Top Gear is a "men's only" programme on BBC2 in which a bunch of ageing lotharios test drive sports cars at dangerous speeds considerably in excess of the national speed limit and talk about their sexual conquests in a pathetic effort to relive their youth.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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