Written by Jean Le Fete
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Wednesday, 12 September 2007

image for CBS Keeps A Breast of Janet Jackson's Nipplegate!
When is a breast just a breast?

WASHINGTON - three years after Janet Jackson titallated the Super Bowl halftime show, CBS will have an appeal heard by the a federal appeals court on Tuesday, regarding the now famous "wardrobe malfunction."

The incident in which singer Justin Timberlake ripped Jackson's garment and briefly bared her breast was considered punishable by the FCC. It fined CBS for 27,500 for each of its network affiliates, totally $550,000.

CBS maintains it was an accident and there is no evidence to support the speculation of it being a purposeful act. Justin Timberlake claims it was the first time he'd even touched a womans outer garment and therefore it was clearly an accident. "I'm a very religious man and even in rehearsal I maintained a great deal of respect for Miss Jackson's breasts and tush."

"You know Justin is such a gentleman and my nipples are mine, I don't care to share them with millions of people."

CBS defense lawyers also have done research by surveying Americans to see if they were actually offended. "Only 30% of those polled claimed to be offended and of those only 5% were actually quick enough to see the nipple during the few seconds it was on their television screen! The rest saw it on news and talk show replays and who is to blame there!" said one lawyer, "The other 70% said they didn't really care because the breast is a beautiful part of the human anatomy and has been the subject of ancient sculptures and even cave drawings. Is the FCC trying to sue them?! Nooooooo!"

French citizens were also surveyed and nearly 100% agreed the clip of the breast was much too short to determine if Jackson's nipple was actually worth looking at.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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