Written by Noshing Mink
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Topics: Gay, Jim Davidson

Tuesday, 11 September 2007

image for Arse Bandits can no longer be called "shirtlifters"
A Colon Commander Tossing some Salad

A spokesman for Cockney comedian Jim Davidson expressed disappointment at the decision of the Politically Correct Forum criticising Davidson for calling a Big Brother winner a shirtlifter and sacking him from ITV's Hell's Kitchen.

Victim Brian Dowling, a well-known Turd Burglar, had complained because Davidson had asked him "Why do shirtlifters pull that same face?" Instead of turning the other cheek, Dowling minced blubbering to the producers of the programme, who contacted the Politically Correct Forum, before sacking Davidson.

A spokesman for the PCF said:

"It is offensive to call Arse Bandits 'shirtlifters'. From now on, they should just be called Bum Boys, Ring Pirates or Sausage Jockeys."

The term 'shirtlifter' is believed to be based on the practice of lifting someone's shirt before making a delivery at the rear end. Some Arse Bandits expressed surprise at the banning of the word. Rear Admiral Weasel told our reporter:

"I feel perfectly comfortable with the term shirtlifter. It's what I am and what defines me, ducky. What right do these Homofascists have to dictate what I can and cannot be called?"

Meanwhile, Jim Davidson was staying silent as an injunction had been slapped on him preventing him from speaking or thinking aloud. Strangely enough, the untalented entertainer has received more publicity since making this comment than he previously received in his entire career.

Do you know any Butt Monkeys who have locked themselves in the closet and need help being outted? If so, let our heterosexual editorial team know, so we can pop round and have a good laugh.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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