Written by Jean Le Fete
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Sunday, 2 September 2007

image for Paris Hilton and Lindsay Lohan to Perform the "Nut" Cracker
Lohan and Hilton Rehearsing

LA - Lindsay Lohan gets arrested for drinking and Paris Hilton portrays the Prison matron who comes to poor Lindsay's rescue. In the first part of the suite, this new age ballet shocks the audience as a Mercedes bolts onto stage and careens into a flock of ballerinas, who represent Lindsay's friends and family. "This was really difficult for me to deal with such realism," said Lohan, "I wanted to cry and almost felt...guilty."

Producer/Director Michael Jackson had this to say, "Lindsay has really used this project to cleanse herself, she's very child like. I think that is what I like most about her. I think she and Paris have found inner beauty and strength they didn't know they have."

Paris Hilton said, "I've loved working with Lindsay, though Michael kind of gives me the creeps, but at least he where's gloves. I think Lindsay and I make a good team, too bad we have to use cables to do our ballet, it kind of limits our freedom and once they accidentally hoisted us to the rafters and left us for two hours!... At least I think it was accidental." When asked if her role as a Prison Matron had significance to her jail time she said, "I grew fond of one of my captors when I was in prison, but then I found out all of the sex and strip searches weren't suppose to be routine and I was disgusted by it. So to answer your question, no."

The Nut Cracker will open at a special venue on the campus of UCLA with limited seating, but if all goes well the production may attempt a national tour.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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