Written by Mister Meaner
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Saturday, 1 September 2007

image for Big Brother Brian Accused Of Animal Cruelty
The gallows outside Brian's house in Essex

Data entry clerk Brian Belo, last night crowned the King of the Big Brother house after upstaging bookies' favourites, twins Amanda and Sam Marchant, has subsequently walked into a storm of controversy over Animal Cruelty.

Black Brian, 20, of Longdong, received more than 60% of the public vote to claim the first prize of £100,000, but, during the post-result interview with show host Davina McCall, it was alleged that the 'lovely lout' had once hung a donkey.

Belo, known fondly as 'Bigdown', looked embarrassed, but did not deny the allegation, giving rise to speculation that there might well be some truth in the charge.

Experts claim that black men often hang donkeys, but this strange phenomenon is little-understood and has baffled scientists for centuries.

Professor Peter Pukka of Cockermouth Institute of Biology said:

"It's not unusual to see a coloured gentleman sat astraddle one of these beasts with a view to abusing it."

Brian's mum Susan told reporters at their home in Essex, that Brian had always been afraid of animals, and never missed an opportunity to 'nobble' them.

"The only thing he has any great affection for is his pet python," she said, adding, "he's always fiddling about with it."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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