Written by Monkey Woods
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Friday, 24 August 2007

image for Celebrity Big Brother Axed To Combat Racism
"one of them"

Celebrity Big Brother, the show at the centre of a major racism row, will not be back on our screens next year, according to gossip garnered by this writer on a bus today.

Channel 4 bosses say that, despite the show having cleared it's own name, and having also distanced itself from the racist comments used by some housemates, the fact remains that very few people are interested in it, and the top brass have wielded the axe.

CBB achieved worldwide notoriety earlier this year when Essex slug Jade Goody and former Miss Merseyside, bimbo Danielle Lloyd, verbally attacked beautiful Bollywood actress Shilpa Shetty, calling her names like "one of them" and "poppadum" as dozens watched on TV.

In India, people fainted, an an effigy of Terry Wogan was burned at the stake. The Indian cricket team went out of the Cricket World Cup at the first hurdle, and many Indian restaurants and takeaways throughout Britain reported pre-tax losses.

Goody and Lloyd later apologised to Miss Shetty, Goody even going all the way to India to "show how sorry" she was. The Indian people, however, overwhelmingly decided by public vote not to accept her into the country, and she was despatched on the same plane she arrived on.

The news about CBB comes at a time when fewer people than ever are watching Big Brother, and Channel 4 are determined to win back viewers with more interesting and visually stimulating shows such as the gripping Charlotte Church Show and the ever-popular Ian Wright's Unfit Kids.

Miss Shetty, speaking from her 400,000,000,000 rupee mansion near Mumbai, said:

"It definitely wasn't racist. Well, maybe a little bit."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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