Startling research shows that since major networks have been delivering the TV news with presenters standing up, things have become significantly worse.
Scientists and boffins at the University of Penge have completed a two year study and their findings make interesting reading. Professor Jake Phlange comments:
"Just look at the news from years ago. All sorts of good things were happening. The Queen's jubilee, the end of world war two and England winning the world cup.
But look at the news now! Murder, drug crime and Sven-Goran Eriksson in charge of the top team in the premiership. It's just terrible and directly linked to the presenters standing up when broadcasting"
We asked top news-bird Emily Maitlis about the research and she said:
"News might be bad these days, fair enough, but look at the sort of top birds that read the bulletins. There's me, Kate Silverton and that bint that does Crimewatch too. Phoarr! Eh? Eh?"
And last night the Prime Minister, Gordon Brown, added his two pen 'orth to the debate when his off the record remarks were caught by an open MI5 surveillance microphone:
"I think that the bad news is more than offset by the top totty and let's have more of that girl perched provocatively on the edge of the desk. That's what makes Britain great and we certainly never had this kind of thing under a Conservative government!"