Written by Monkey Woods
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Monday, 20 August 2007

image for SEXFLASH! Big Brother Tracey Well'ard Hasn't Had SEX Since March 23rd
Tracey Well'ard's type

Tracey Well'ard, the cleaner with the pink mop, made a shocking revelation in the Big Brother house at the weekend, when she told another housemate that she last had sex on 23rd March.

Speaking to Brian in the Smoking Area on Saturday at 3.07pm, Miss Well'ard said that it would be "five months on the 23rd" since she had enjoyed "rumpy pumpy", to which Brian answered that, for him, it had been longer.

Well'ard didn't specify whether this had involved penetration, but taking into account the fact that one of her cleaning gigs is the home of blind Labour lothario David Blunkett, she may well have "gone all the way".

There had been earlier speculation that Tracey was not only a carpet cleaner, but also a carpet muncher, although, thus far, she has made no moves on any of the other muntresses in the House.

Another housemate, Jonty, said in a Diary Room interview with Big Brother, that he had never had sex, apart from once with his cuddly toy monkey Munkitty Tunkitty, the event proving so traumatic that the two split up for a while afterwards.

Jonty told viewers that Tracey had confessed that she was looking forward to getting out of the House, so that she could again enjoy the company of men, and get some steamy action.

"She can't wait to throw herself at the feet of some poor, unsuspecting young whippersnapper, or a stray tramp." he said.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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