Written by Buck E Filbert
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Thursday, 16 August 2007

image for Lindsay Lohan Sues Santa Monica Police Department
I'm too drunk to be charged with DUI

Lindsay Lohan, recently arrested for allegedly assaulting her fired assistants mother in a parking lot in Santa Monica, DUI and drug possession has countered the charges with a lawsuit for harassment, unreasonable search and seizure and making me take responsibility for my own actions.

Lindsay's attorney contends: "Lohan is an artist and has delicate sensibilities, more so than the average, 'regular', human. She is on a pedestal and should be harder for the law to reach. In fact she should be totally out of the reach of the law. Just by the action of the police apprehending Lindsay they forced her to be illegal therefore it's their fault she's in trouble at all."

Lohan said, "Well yes, I was drunk and wired but that's exactly my point, I was under the influence so how can I be held responsible for my actions, I didn't know what I was doing. Hence DUI, The charges should be dropped and I should be reimbursed for all the hassle I'm going through."

It kinda makes sense...if you're DUI.

From the desk of
Buck E Filbert

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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