Hollywood, California - (ReUterus & Ass Mess): "I'll do absolutely anything to keep my man's attention," Angelina Jolie has told reporters.
"Even if it means making up dumb stories about being a hot-assed bisexual chick who just loves to pillow-talk about her lick by lick lesbian affairs.
"I'm so hot I make that poor cow Jen look like a dead fish lying belly-up in some stagnant pool.
"It drives mah man wild!
"But now I'm so hot, I tell him I don't even need that kinky wacko lesbo stuff anymore, because mah man is all I need to really, really satisfy me, deep down inside!"
Jolie, speaking to reporters in an interview with French magazine Pubic!, said that since Brad Pitt became her lover, there "is no longer any need to make up all those lesbian stories just to lure him in".
Jolie believes that Brad Pitt is now so bewitched by her timeless beauty, magnetic allure and scrot-wrenching lesbian tales that he as "complete blind faith" in her.
"Even if if means adopting another six kids, I know Brad will do a-n-y-t-h-i-n-g I want!
"He's mine for life. Truss me, I'm banking on it!"