Paris Hilton is angry about her recent media blackout. Since shortly after her release from prison, several international news agencies have refused to carry stories about the socialite for at least one month.
From a club in Las Vegas, Hilton offered the following statement: "I have the wind blow my dress up and show everyone my pink panties, and no one sees or hears about it. Everyone in the country saw Britney's and that American Idol girl's panties."
"I bend over and my breast falls out of my top and no snaps a picture. Claire Danes does it, and she becomes front page news (even when her new movie bombs at the box office)."
"I try acting stupid like Jessica Simpson and say that a trollop is a small scoop of whipped cream and a skank is a male skunk, and everyone ignores me."
"I've tried getting out of limos without my panties. I've tried barbequing my dog Tinkerbell. I've driven the wrong way on one way streets. I've spit on cops and gotten busted for DWI all over again. I even threw another temper tantrum outside of a court house and no one cares!"
"What do I have to do to be a media darling again? Why are you people just ignoring me and treating me like an average, ordinary, white trash skank?"
A.P. U.P.I. Reuters, CNN, ESPN, USA Today, ABC, NBC, CBS, Foxnews, the BBC, the CBC, and Telemundo all declined comment and refused to run her diatribe.
Now, since you had to really search to find this Paris Hilton story, are you proud of yourself?