Written by Maximus
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Topics: Superman

Monday, 29 March 2004

image for Superman Calls It Quits At 89
Clark has let himself go a bit of late

Superman has finally called it quits. The 89 year-old superhero has been suiting up in spandex for as long as he can remember and is ready to retire. He made the decision based on the fact that "the world is so corrupted there's not a darn thing I can do about it. And it's always Batman this and Batman that, I get so fed up with it."

Superman, A.K.A. Clark Kent, plans to spend the rest of his life in North Dakota as a mathematics teacher. "I need to do something very very boring after a life of adventure and danger. After the math thing, I'm thinking about becoming an ornithologist and studying the birds of Tokyo."

Although he never publicly addressed his old age, Superman is inevitably aging. He is showing signs of slowing down. He has been known to forget most everything, he secretly wears diapers (the bulge in his tights is a dead give-away), he flies incredibly slow, and his hair is falling out.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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