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Saturday, 11 August 2007

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Danny DeVito is reduced to a life on the streets

Actor and sometimes director Danny DeVito is now homeless. Having bombed at the box office in his last three movies and having had his last four television shows cancelled, he was unable to meet the mortgage payment on his Hollywood home.

DeVito says that he has found a good alley in the Hollywood Hills area and plans on spending the rest of the summer there. He does not yet know where he will spend his winter, but knows that it will not be anywhere up north as "I'd freeze what little hair I had left off my head."

DeVito admitted that all the other homeless bums had been accepting thus far. "I've actually now had ripple, Thunderbird, Boone's Farm, and Mad Dog 20/20 to drink. I was going to try a generic beer, but am not yet ready to stoop that low."

Danny also said that he is currently enjoying his Lucky shopping cart, but wants to move up to one from Vons or Home Depot at first opportunity. "I can actually fit in the child seats at the ones from those home improvement stores, but I like the color of Vons best; I can't make up my mind."

He had planned on making a little money on the side in bars by allowing himself to be a "ball" in midget tossing. The problem, however is "I'm a little to tall and too fat, so the guys would have to strain to throw me. GIve it six months of living on shelter food, though, and I'll slim down real good!"

Famous Hollywood dwarf Billy Barty has plans to come to the aid of DeVito. He has furnished a small apartment with midget sized furniture, counter tops, and fixtures. This swinging bachelor apartment will be leased without cost to the former Taxi actor. Barty refers to is as a "Stay Free Mini Pad."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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