Written by Deanna Goodson
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Monday, 1 March 2004

image for Oscar Wrap-Up
Who's your hairstylist? Edward Scissorhands maybe?

Hollywood, CA

The 76th Annual Academy Awards were last night. Charlize Theron won for Best Actress proving that Oscar believes that when a pretty woman makes herself ugly she has 'range.' There is some speculation that the Academy is also partial to giving awards to actress' who appear in movies with the word "MONSTER" in them.

In a related note, J. Lo plans to star in a movie next year called El Monstruo so she can hopefully follow in Charlize and Halle's pretty pumps. "She just wants that Oscar so bad. It's the only man in Hollywood who is immune to her charms," a catty little woman mentioned in the bathroom.

Johnny Depp didn't win for Best Actor. Sean Penn did. He said, "It was just an honor to be nominated." Then, he cried like a baby.

Billy Crystal was the host. He was heard mumbling, "Always a bridesmaid, never a bride, except for that one time in San Francisco."

Peter Jackson won Best Director. He beat out Sofia Coppolla, who said she was not mad. She was talking with Seabiscuit's trainer. Perhaps, Peter Jackson should watch out for horse heads in his bed. "Nah, she'd be more creative than that. It's been done and Sofia is all about living in the now," an usher who wasn't a Coppola family member said.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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