Written by Monkey Woods
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Saturday, 4 August 2007

image for Big Brother Halfway Halfwits Shanessa And David Evicted From House
Crowds outside the House welcome Shanessa and David

Big Brother housemates Shanessa and David were evicted from the Halfway House last night as the show became ever more tedious with another boring anti-climax.

Welsh whore Shanessa, who forgot to bring her clothes with her, and Scottish fag David, emerged to the customary chorus of boos, but that was about it.

After the duo had been in the House for only one week, the audience couldn't be bothered to vent much hatred on them, and they quickly vanished back into obscurity where they belong.

David, who wore a kilt when he entered the House, put his lip out, and Shanessa, complete with tacky eye glitter, bawled tears as they were told by Davina McCall that they had received 38% and 37% respectively of the public votes, leaving carpet-munching Tracey Well'ard and grinning Kara-Louise as full time houseamtes, and still in with a chance of scooping the £100,000 first prize.

Tracey, a gusset typist, who has recently spoken of her plans to publish a Streetspeak dictionary after Big Brother, was elated, and said:

"Big real! Big real! Phat, man! Livin' it!!"

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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