Written by Jean Le Fete
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Friday, 3 August 2007

image for Paris Hilton To Open Rehab Facility: Lindsay Lohan and Britney Spears to be First Clients!
Lohan and Spears Working Out

In Los Angelos today it was good news for lost starlets struggling to stay sober. Paris Hilton has started the first of what will be a chain of rehab centers, called "Tough Love", to be located at Hilton Resorts around the world.

Hilton was not present for the Grand Opening itself, instead her hologram was presented as she lead new residents, including Britney Spears and Lindsey Lohan through a invigorating Disco Dance workout.

"Today is the first day of the rest of your lives!" yelled Hilton encouragingly, "And the first day of my new financial empire, which your messed up lives have made possible! I can only tell you that I have no experiences or knowledge to help you whatsoever. You must find your help from within!"

When asked about the apparent lack of any real structure to the program, Paris Hilton replied, "They don't need structure, they need to have their booties kicked. Most of these kids have never been out of the lap of luxury and this experience will show the what the real world is like. Their rooms are very spartan, they only have the necessities like a stocked bar, TV, water bed, spa, sauna, and electronic Japanese toilets. Oh and they won't be allowed to leave their rooms for anything but the required massage therapy sessions, hair dressing, and skin toning."

Tough Love centers are expected to house nearly 10000 people when they are all opened and operating at capacity.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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