Written by Deanna Goodson
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Thursday, 26 February 2004

image for Rosie O. Loses Her Heart and Her Singledom in San Francisco
You've Come a Long Way, Rosie. Congratulations!

San Francisco, CA -- It was a beautiful ceremony, quick and painless. Rosie O'Donnell, the Queen of Nice --(yeah, right), married her lover of many years today in the city by the Bay.

Rosie says she is doing it because she is shocked and appalled at the Governator's attempts to thwart gay marriages. Some say she desperately needs some positive publicity after that Broadway musical based on the life of Boy George.

"Lately, I am not sure what she's been thinking. She is contemplating a new musical next year, called 'Baboon' on the life of Bubbles the Monkey who was so ruthlessly abused by Michael Jackson." An insider told this reporter who was shocked because this reporter thought she'd do a made for TV movie called "Cops: The George Michael Scandal".

Anyway, Rosie and her paramour of many years, decided it was time to take a stand. "I used to like Arnold. I even wanted to be in a few of his movies, but not now, not ever," Ms. O'Donnell was supposedly quoted as saying to a friend of a friend who told two friends about some really cool shampoo.

Confidantes close to Rosie and Kelli, the new Mrs. O'Donnell, have been speculating whether Rosie will run for the White House herself.

It would make for one interesting race, especially in the horrible hair department.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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