Written by Monkey Woods
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Saturday, 28 July 2007

image for Charley Evicted From Big Brother House
"You're pafetic!"

Charley Uchea, who is black, became the sixth housemate to be booted out of the Big Brother house last night, to a chorus of boos that eclipsed even those experienced by former contestant Shabnam a few weeks ago.

Uchea, whose name means 'slut' in Mandingo, came out of the BB house to a 'wall of sound' that would have burst her eardrums, if she had any, but she was spared this as it is a well-known fact that Charley is deaf.

The South London 'It Girl', as she likes to be known, or the 'Devil In Skimpy Knickers' as her fellow housemates knew her, cried a million fake tears as she constantly flicked her hair this way and that, in the most appalling display of 'posing for the cameras' ever seen on TV.

During her time on the show, she was called a nigger by Emily Parr, the BNP candidate for Swindon, who was subsequently ejected from the house in disgrace. Later, though, thousands of viewers rang the show to say that the wrong person had been kicked out.

Uchea was evicted two weeks ago in a Fake Eviction, but allowed back in, and housemate Chanelle, who had 'several barnies' with the Devil, must have been thinking she was never going to see the back of her.

Last night, however, as five new dimwits entered the house, a party was held in the living area, and endless toasts were made to everyone who nominated Charley last week.

Uchea, 22, was escorted kicking and screaming off the premises, and put on a bus back to South London where it's thought she will return to her dull and trivial unemployed lifestyle in obscurity.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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