Written by Blind Fool -••-
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Topics: Super Bowl

Wednesday, 25 February 2004

image for Janet's Nipple Ripple
Do you think anyone noticed?

The aftershocks of Janet Jackson's and Justin Timberlake's strip tease at the Super Bowl are still being felt several weeks later. The latest event to fall victim to the tasteless in-your-face incident is an ABC biopic about Lena Horne.

A spokeswoman for Janet, who was to play Horne in the movie, said she was effectively ripped off the project by Lena and her daughter Gail Lumet Buckley, who were incensed and nearly spiritually and physically blinded when they were flashed during the halftime show.

Jackson is said to be disappointed that she won't be able to expose her star qualities in the flick. "And that's just exactly what I aim to stop," said Lena. "You won't be seeing any Horne teats, mine or someone pretending to be mine, anytime soon if I have anything to say about it."

Another star affair pierced by all this exposure is the Academy Awards. Producers are scrambling to reoutfit the Academy of Motion Picture Arts and Sciences' ceremony in a more modest tone. They were going to have a tribute to the porn classic Debby Does Dallas, but that has been torn from the schedule exposing a bare spot that needs to be filled in.

The biggest change, however, is that the Oscar trophy has been redesigned donning apparel. Naked no more, Oscar has been outfitted by the fab-five from Queer Eye for the Straight Guy with a classic double-breasted tux, top hat, cane, and a red rose over the left bosom area for that added unexpected splash of color.

More changes include the famous red carpet being replaced by a conservative beige, celebrities wearing immodest outfits will be covered by a computer generated image of Mister Rogers wearing sneakers/slacks/sweater, and all cuss words will be replaced with Barney terms like "gosh," "super-dee-duper" and "Watch the tail, you stupid kid!"

Advertisers have been violated by all this as well. They have been told to dig deep into their vaulted archives and pull out commercials that were shot prior to 1955. ABC has announced that they won't run anything else during the breaks. For those newer companies who don't have such classics, thirty and sixty second spots from Leave It To Beaver will be shown with the corporation's name and logo at the bottom.

Products having to use this latter method are said to be Nike, Lexus, Taco Bell and Microsoft.

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