Written by Fred Peters
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Topics: thierry henry

Friday, 10 August 2007

Ex- Arsenal legend Thierry Henry has said that he wants to get away from everything English - including his wife!

Cheeky get

The pouting homo magnet said that England was full of pork-gobbling, pink- faced drunks, who are only interested in sport, soft porn, gambling and telly. This paper thinks he has got a bare-bottomed cheek in a recent wry aside, he is rumoured to have remarked, 'I did not invest in pork belly futures.' The French frequently make pseudo-philosophical comments, so perhaps we should take this with a rub of garlic..

Hypocrite

But only five minutes ago Thierry was proclaiming his l'oeuf for l'angleterre and all things British. He has often been seen strutting along trendy KIng's Road in a flat with his thumbs on his braces, wearing a cockney flat cap and waistcoat.

Dickens

Many have seen him pounding the beery keys of an old 'Joanna', with cheeks full of jellied eels' having a good old cockney sing-along down an East End boozer called 'the cheeky Ferret'. He recently boasted in an interview with A. Nonnymus: 'When I 'ave been trenning I lurve le pie and mash - avec beaucoup de mushy peas, s'il vous plait!'

Mob

Let's hope the Barcelona fans turn on him like baying wolves and rip him apart after a hat-full of squandered chances forces a dour 0-0 draw at the Nou Camp against lowly opposition.

If

And maybe some English tourists might just be there to urinate on his corpse!

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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