CCN (Crazy Cal News) - BEVERLY HILLS, Calif. - Lindsay Lohan surrendered herself to George W. Bush on charges of suspicion of being supicious. This was a result of her Memorial Day weekend car crash and President Bush's Executive Order: Blocking Property of Certain Persons Who Threaten Stabilization Efforts in Iraq.
Lindsay Lohan, being informed by her lawyers that President Bush now has the power have anyone arrested for anything he desires, decided it was best for her to turn herself in now and save herself some trouble.
"This is a mager vict'ry in the war against Iraq," said President Bush. "Today a dangerus killer wuz apprehended by law enforcement ufficials. I have pursunully confiskated her 2005 Mercedes SL-65 convertubble at grate pursunul risk ta' mahself. Ya' know, most peeple don't understand jest how dangerus it is takin' a Mercedes frum a yung aktress. Jest bekause uh persun is a aktress duzunt necesarrily make her a killer, but jest thuh same, ah wuz willin' ta' put mah life on thuh line like them boys in Irak. We've gotta put a stop ta' these urbin terrorisms."
Ms. Lohan, when asked what charges were brought against her, said, "I don't know, and they won't tell me. President Bush said he doesn't have to tell people why he has them arrested anymore."