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Topics: Elton John, Funeral

Thursday, 19 July 2007

image for Elton Jack to Become Professional Weeper at Funerals
Elton hides his eyes from our cameras

Hollywierd, California (IP) - Elton John has not been seen nor been heard from much as of late and now he has re-surfaced in a totally new incarnation.

His new occupation as professional funeral weeper came to light when the City of Hollywierd cited him for leaving pamphlets announcing his availability as funeral weeper on car windshields in thrift shop and gay bar parking lots. The pamphlets state that for $5 he will attend any funeral and weep profusely at stranger's wedding and/or funeral.

Hollywierd law ordinance, Chapter 33.7, - 69.69- a,b,c, sections 1-13 (a,b,c) (that's how easy its going to be)-2007-44 : !@#$%^&*()_+| - states:

"Wherefore and whereas in that Hollywierd is forever striving to keep its streets, alley ways, parking lots, public thouroughfares, animal trails, lake and riversides, canals, trash piles, junk yards, sanitary dumps, men's rooms, and music studios and a partridge in a pear tree (not to mention Britany Spear's vagina in a pear tree) in spic and span condition that it shall, herein, therefore, wherein and therefore be illegal and prohibited to leave advertising bills and pamphlets on people's car windshields."

Mayor Phil Collins said: "We really mean it too."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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