Written by queen mudder
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Topics: Kate Moss

Wednesday, 18 July 2007

image for Kate Moss booked in for customised vagina remould
Moss: looking forward to regaining the boa costrictor grip of her inner sanctum

New York - (ReUterus & Ass Mess): So is it rhinoplasty after too much nose-powdering with ex-lover Pete Doherty or something a little more intimate - like a a customised vagina remould - that has brought Kate Moss to Manhattan's top plastic surgery clinic this week?

According to reliable Park Avenue sources the mystery blonde behind Jackie-O sun glasses who checked in to the swish medical facility today is booked for a radical new procedure, the internal equivalent of a tummy-tuck.

"Once you're over thirty and have had a few up there, it's really adviseable to get a grip, maybe tighten up a bit and regain control over that pelvic floor musculature," the clinic's glossy promo brochure proclaims.

"And that's where our customised vagina remould could really help.

"It means you can regain that youthful clench that pregnancy, childbirth or multiple partners can erode from your innermost sanctum.

"For only $25,000 we will rebuild you from the inside out and have you back at your youthful best, squeezing and gripping like the boa constrictor you always knew you were."

Moss is expected to check out after the weekend and then test-drive her new secret weapon for enslaving men at her leisure, ie within an hour or two of the bandages coming off.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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