Written by Warren Redlich
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Saturday, 14 July 2007

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Harry Potter's little brother Timmah before he gets offed.

Hackers who broke into J.K. Rowling's laptop posted copies of the final pages of Rowling's new Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows book. In the book's ending a prominent character is killed, namely ... oh, wait ... if I tell you now you won't read the rest of this story, so ... don't cheat and read the end of this article - I'm going to hide it in the middle.

Rumors have been flying for weeks about whether one or more of the major characters in the series might be killed off. There has been substantial speculation that Harry Potter himself will die, along with Hermione, Ron and Lord Valdemort as well. Rowling and her publishers have been tight-lipped about all the rumors, though they have generally responded to inquiries by saying that the rumors should be ignored.

The hackers, known by screen names iluvglblwrmng69 and cnurdths?, posted realistic looking pages in which Harry's newly discovered little sister Wenchie Potter goes on a wild spree, killing all the major characters along with several minor characters. Rowling herself dies on the last page of the book along with several other celebrities in cameo appearances. Rowling personally answered questions from reporters after the post, so that part of the story appears to be inaccurate.

Talk of a movie is hot in Hollywood, with Abigail Breslin (Little Miss Sunshine) reportedly slated to play Wenchie Potter, beating out Lindsay Lohan and Paris Hilton, who are reportedly too old and too slutty for the part.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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