Written by Gareth Carpenter
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Topics: Music, teeth

Wednesday, 18 February 2004

image for Richard and Judy to present next year's Brit Awards
The Darkness - sent fans to sleep

The prestigious Brit Music Awards' so-called controversial image has received a kick in the teeth, with the news that ITV schedulers have relegated next year's event to daytime television.

ITV has revealed that the 2005 event will be hosted by celebrity Richard Madeley and his wife Judy Finnigan.

An ITV spokesman explained that extensive market research had revealed that this year's much-hyped event had attracted a viewing audience with an average age of over 65.

"It appears many viewers either fell asleep, slipped into a coma, or died during the broadcast," she said. "Many rang up to say that the ad breaks weren't long enough for them to empty their colostomy bags or rinse their false teeth."

Another controversy to hit the event was the use of the word ‘international' in many of the trophy titles. Brit organisers said they are now petitioning Oxford Dictionary to have the word's definiton changed to "originating from the US".

Meanwhile Brit rock sensations The Darkness, who scooped three Brit trophies, have promised to crack the crucial US market, after announcing their new sell out American tour.

The catsuited foursome will be kicking off their set of Stateside gigs with a concert at the Dayton County Fair Pig and Cattle Market in Ohio.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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