Written by Rational Thought
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Thursday, 12 July 2007

image for America's Tori Spelling becomes a minister
Above: Reverend Spelling heals her own nose through the power of God.

Tori Spelling knelt before the maroon altar in the slightly darkened chapel as members of the congregation lined up behind her. One by one, they embraced her and offered quiet congratulations. They wished her luck. The children told her she was awesome. When her father, the late Aaron Spelling, appeared, hovering above her in a Charlie's Angeles sweatshirt and told her that he was proud of her, she lost it.

Her shoulders shook as she sobbed. She wiped her eyes to stop the tears. A few years ago, Spelling could not have imagined this moment. After years of acting in lackluster movies, she finally had become a minister, the first woman to be ordained in the 1-year history of Become-A-Minster.com.

"I don't think of myself as a woman doing this job," said Spelling. "I just think that I'm here to continue doing the good work that I have been doing. I've done live theater and presented at the Emmys and this by far was my scariest moment simply because they had bestowed such an honor upon me and I didn't want to let them down."

Reverend Tori Spelling!

(Her official certificate is in the mail.)

"I'm so proud," the 34-year-old actress said Monday. Even though her certificate had not arrived, Reverend Spelling officiated at a same-sex union last weekend at Chateau La Rue, the bed-and-breakfast that she and her husband run in Fallbrook, Calif.

Spelling starred on the long-running '90s TV series Beverly Hills, 90210, produced by her father, Aaron Spelling, who died in June 2006.

To her critics, Reverend Spelling said, 'I think it is the intent of the heart of the people toward God, not the competence of the Minister, which matters. In Latin, there is a saying that goes "Ex Opere Operantis," which means "Whatever works, no matter the worker."

Other Christians are asking, "should a woman be a minister?" God,the alleged author of the Bible, holds women in low regard:

1 Corinthians 14:34-35

"Let your women keep silence in the churches: for it is not permitted unto them to speak; but they are commanded to be under obedience as also saith the law. And if they will learn any thing, let them ask their husbands at home: for it is a shame for women to speak in the church."

1 Timothy 2:11-12

"Let the woman learn in silence with all subjection. But I suffer not a woman to teach, nor to usurp authority over the man, but to be in silence."

Luckily, Reverend Spelling plans to preach only from the Hollywood Reporter and not The Bible.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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