Writer and celebrity hoodwinker J.K. Rowling finally admitted what everyone has long suspected, that the Harry Potter books are really copied from storylines in 70s and 80s television series Grange Hill.
"The characters are obviously transported from the TV series", she told our reporter. "Malfoy is based on Justin Bennett, a sarcastic blond boy who thinks he's better than everyone because his father is a councillor. The boy that played the role of Justin also played the role of Caligula in "I, Claudius", so what does that tell you?"
Unsurprisingly, Harry is based on "Tucker" Jenkins and Ron Weasily on Benny Green. Rowling admitted "Benny was a black kid who had to struggle with issues of poverty. Of course, in this day and age, a link between race and financial status would be objectionable, so I made Ron ginger. Everyone knows that ginger people have to struggle in life."
Grange Hill Headmistress Bridget ("the Midget") McClusky became "hard as nails" Professor McGonagall (another "Mac"). "We couldn't have a female head at Hogwarts, because the character of Dumbledore was always going to be based on Gandalf the Wizard."
Rowling also admitted that the plots of each book are based on little-known episodes of the school series. "Does anyone remember how, in episode 5 of the first series, Tucker Jenkins reveals that his parents were murdered and he was left with a scar on his forehead? Or that the tuck shop had a habit of changing locations, just like the staircase in Hogwarts?"
However, Rowling's big surprise was in the title to the first book, the Philosopher's Stone", which, she revealed, is actually an anagram of "Grange Hill". Our reporter didn't see it, at first, but after a bit of wand waving, it all became clear.